My misadventures on display for all to read.

Fugly Doodle Friday - Corporate Gelt

Of penance I have had enough! Of penitence there has been none!
— Nathaniel Hawthorne

This week's Fugly Doodly Friday comes from a fan who left a comment a few weeks back. It's a riddle of sorts. One that will make you question the very definition of humanity, sin, and Black Friday. The penitentiary awaits!

Scarlet's lettering.

Dating Chronicles 3 - Look Away

Many of you have inquired about my most recent dates. Emailing, calling, and asking about the next man. As you recently heard, a few of the men smoke with babies. Make baby smoke. Smoke and have babies. I am not a fan of smoking babies because it puts tears in my eyes so I decided to not attend the last two dates. However, my neighbor has reassured me that I have a cute nose, mouth and eyes so there are bound to be more opportunities. She is a lovely artist, with a husband and two grown children so I trust her judgement. 

The time of this particular date was right before Swedish Lief and her Man-of-Mystery decided to room with me. I had just started looking for a new roommate on Craigslist which resulted in two guys checking out the apartment. I declared that these thirty minute visits would count as dates so I would only have twelve more to go on in the following five months. This caused backlash from the group of women who handcrafted my account and contract. 

A Woman Betrothed: I do not agree that the Craigslist appointments count as dates.

The Enforcer: I am with a Woman Betrothed. Pease refer to the contract. It requires three votes to make any amendments. At least that was the intent of its authors though only explicitly laid out in the bullet referring to profile changes.

CatholicGelt: Fine. I would like to propose that Freecycle and Craigslist, both <dot>org websites, are equal opportunity platforms for identifying men. I don't want to lose out on any missed connections.

The Enforcer: As long as an actual outing is arranged for purely social purposes (i.e. not apartment visits) then the signers will consider it. But I must bow to the 3/4 majority on this. Ladies?

A Woman Betrothed: I agree that it's fine to find men from other sources, but an actual social outing (i.e., date) must be arranged for it to count.

CatholicGelt: You all are clearly going out on dates, often. I consider 97% of my encounters with the opposite sex as dates. For example, if I am at Whole Foods and the grocer bags my melons, I consider that a night out on the town.

Mère de Fleur: Bagging your melons, CatholicGelt? That sounds pretty intense for a first date if you ask me.  I kind of agree with a Woman Betrothed and the Enforcer, though I do sympathize with your point of view as I averaged about two to three dates every five years in my single days and coming up with twelve in a short period would have seemed totally overwhelming... However, I'm sure it can be done!  Maybe if you and a prospective single male apartment dweller were to meet up for coffee or dinner that might count?

After my friends pummeled me with regulations, I boarded a plane to Chicago where I had signed up for comedy classes at The Second City. Instead of ignoring my dating obligations, I changed the location of my How About We profile to see if I could score a new date or two in Chicago. And then I did!

Fugly Doodle Friday - Smash Mouth (Guest)

This one goes to all the 3 PM playahs out there who would ratha be sippin on a Shirley Temple by the kiddie pool than sitting through anotha meetin with yer holieah than thou colleagues. If ya words aren't supportin, productive, or meaninful, stick a Maraschino in it.

Dream Killer. Come Rescue Me.

If you are stuck at work, in a car, on a plane, or riding bareback across the Great Plains, you too can submit a fugly doodle. Thanks to this week's anonymous guest who still wants that paycheck next week!

Dating Chronicles - Commentary

I have learned that a date can go one of two ways: well guided or completely off course. This aligns fairly well with how I tend to dance. 

My undiagnosed boogie down syndrome.

Despite my tendencies for graceful chaos, I still have friends who particularly enjoy supplying me with their two cents. What are friends for if but not a lovingly honest and supportive peanut gallery? Allow me to share with you the dating commentary my friends so willingly bestowed upon me.

Well, dear friend, I’m just glad that you’re out there and experimenting.
— My Mentor
CatholicGelt is right to not take up all the offers - I personally saw the choices out there and many are less than appealing. Good luck with the next one CatholicGelt!
— Baby Mama in Auburn
You made me laugh at “looks like one of my Russian relatives.” Don’t hate on your “kind”, You may just find your soulmate in the face of your 80-year old uncle.

Although I am a bad friend for reading these more than 24-hours after-the-fact, I am quite thrilled with the continuous updates. Before long, you’ll be one of those girls where I can’t keep all her “boy toys” straight.
— Swedish Lief
Like Swedish Lief, I am behind on reading the updates. But I do agree that posting 56 dates may be a sign of desperation. Or instead, it could be a sign of someone who “lives” on sites like How About We and Facebook. Hmm, that reminds me of your own self-description, CatholicGelt: “Facebook is my home.”

Maybe the 56 date guy deserves another chance, then?
— A Woman Betrothed
This is amazing!! Keep up the updates!

At least you don’t yet have a story like mine...where the quadriplegic guy told me that he lowered his standards after his accident and now he is open to dating girls who looked like me instead of only dating model-types! Classic!

We should combine forces to write a book on dating experiences when all of this is said and done!

It’s a jungle out there! You are in my prayers!
— The Girl with the Dragon Fire Hair